Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
