either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
