Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
