how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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