I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
