when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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