I'm drive I can fine osifer
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
