Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
