all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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