Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ladies don't puke and tell
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
