I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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