Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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