No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
