I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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