He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
