Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want to make a zoo with you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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