my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
