is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
