Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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