11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
