She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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