What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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