Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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