I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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