take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
whose parrot is this?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
