I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
