I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
