I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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