Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
the raccoons are back...
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