You're so nebulous sometimes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
