Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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