She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
