New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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