I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I checked into jail on foursquare
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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