Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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