I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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