i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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