Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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