how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
