ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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