you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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