My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
