Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
