i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize