Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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