Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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