Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
