I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
