i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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