Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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