I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
