what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Randomize
