Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
