Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
