His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize