Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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