I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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