a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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