only if we run a train.
done.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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