..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
