Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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