Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
