remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
