last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
