the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
