he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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