and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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