so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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