Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
