I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
