I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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