I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
