so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
