I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
