C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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