Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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