so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
