you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
