What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
