I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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