After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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