I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
