I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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