I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
