can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
