it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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