5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
