Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
