we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize