You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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