I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize