absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
